The twelfth step talks about carrying the message to others. It’s about being of service, and there are many ways to be. We can hold service positions. We can sponsor others, pass on the knowledge that was passed on to us. Even just showing up at a meeting is being of service. If we share, we can help others by letting them know how we’ve dealt with one of life’s trials (or triumphs) without being loaded. Even if we say nothing, just our presence is enough. There would be no meetings if no one showed up.
I’ve heard some people talk about the message as “The Message of (insert fellowship name)”. There’s nothing wrong with that. I prefer to use my own words, and to be a little more specific. To me, the message is that there is another way to live besides being loaded. Even more specifically, that there is hope. A big part of the program is learning to simplify, and that’s the best way I know how to simplify the message: that there is hope. Hope for a life without the stuff, hope for real happiness, hope for true freedom. Not just freedom from active addiction, but the freedom to be who we really are as we have been created.
There are people who disagree with me. Some in Recovery are absolutely adamant that the program promises nothing more than the freedom from active addiction. While this is true, I have always taken it a step further, because for me freedom from active addiction has meant the freedom to be the real me. It’s meant the freedom to be the best of myself. It has meant the chance to work on issues that have plagued me for as long as I can remember, long before I ever first picked up. More than anything, it has meant the opportunity to learn how to truly love myself and let myself be loved.
We don’t have to take advantage of this opportunity. Nowhere is it written that, in Recovery, we must learn how to love ourselves. Nowhere is it written we have to be the best of ourselves, and it is certainly not promised anywhere that this is what will happen. It’s up to us. Like so much of the program, it is in our hands whether we take advantage of these opportunities.
I’ve known more than a few people who get into Recovery and become stuck. They live clean and sober, true, but the old behaviors still tend to rule their lives. They still take advantage of others, or they’ll still let others take advantage of them. They seem to remain permanently unhappy. There are some patterns there. If someone doesn’t work their steps, or if they are convinced that they can’t change or refuse to, then they tend to end up in the stuck place. My program says that others are free to work their program their own way, so I do my best to let them. I still feel for them, though. It’s the same kind of sympathy that I feel for those who are still dealing with active addiction.
I suppose it all comes down to that spiritual principle of Willingness. You have to be willing to let the program change your life. It only works if you work it, we say. Recovery is not for those who need it but those who want it, we say.
The twelve steps are not the only way to live clean and sober, just one way. I have found that, for me, they work in powerful and amazing ways. They have given me a way to live free from active addiction. They have given me a way to deal with myself and with life that works. Today, they are my guide for dealing with reality. They help me to live in reality, a way to face what is. They are not a be-all, end-all, they are a guide. They are not rules, but suggestions. They are a set of tools that works.
This is my message: there is a reason to hope. The steps really do work if you work them. The principles of the program are spiritual in nature, and you don’t even have to be an addict to let them work in your life. Being honest with yourself and others is a path to surrender and acceptance of the real, of what is. Having hope that there is a power greater than yourself which loves and cares for you, living with the faith that it will love and care for you if you allow it to, brings about a peace within. Having the courage to face life instead of running from it builds inner strength. Integrity, willingness, and humility help us to remember we are part of a larger whole. Love and justice are guides to treating the others in the world and in our lives with the dignity and respect we all are deserving of. Perseverance is how we make it through when life confronts us with its inevitable struggles. Being aware is how we stay connected to the spiritual. Being of service is how we get outside ourselves and help others.
The choice is ours. We can tear others down, we can tear ourselves down. We can continue to be stuck living for ourselves if we chose to. Or we can chose to lift others up, to lift ourselves up. We can help others and let ourselves be helped. It’s up to us.
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