“In God’s Time, Not Ours”

Someone once suggested to me that I try this simple experiment: each morning, when I first get up, make myself a to-do list. Write down everything I want to or need to get accomplished, everything I’d like to get done during the day, and then crumple it up and toss it in the garbage. Last night, I was supposed to meet with a sponsee. We were to go to a speaker meeting first, then spend time going over his latest step work. As it turned out, he wasn’t able to make our appointment, and I found myself faced with the prospect of a free evening instead.

The thought didn’t last very long, and I must admit that the idea of not going to the meeting only flittered briefly through my mind. In a way, part of me felt that, well, I had planned to go to a meeting, so I might as well still go. But even that thought wasn’t particularly strong. There wasn’t much thinking or reasoning behind it; I was going to go to the meeting, period. I walked in a couple minutes late and took a seat in the back.

No sooner had I sat down than the meeting secretary came over and told me that there was no speaker for that night and would I mind? I smiled, chuckled a little, and accepted the opportunity to be of service. When he introduced me, he said his Higher Power was looking out for him and the meeting. I started my chair off by saying that my Higher Power had also done me a favor by giving me the presence of mind to show up, even though I technically didn’t have to be there.

It felt like one of my better chairs. I did a quick prayer before I began, then did my best to talk about what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now. I talked also about how fortunate I was to have a power greater than myself that works so directly in my life… and immediately. On my way to the meeting, I had been wondering if the secretary would ask me to chair it at some point. Just a few minutes later, there I was sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I closed by saying that it was my privilege to speak to them, to carry the message that there is another way. For a discussion topic, I chose the subject of what brought each of us into the rooms.

A lot of folks have a hard time with the idea of a Higher Power working directly in their lives. It takes time—and practice, too. My experience has been that if you can learn to let go, and allow it to happen, amazing things will occur. As it says in the Promises, God does things for us we can’t do for ourselves. Life happens according to God’s plan, not ours. We can fight it and be reminded of our powerlessness, or we can accept it and align ourselves with God’s power. When we do, it flows through us.

Things aren’t always going to go the way we plan them. More often than not, what we plan and what ends up happening are entirely different. Before I started my Recovery, I had major issues with how life never went the way I thought it would. I spent countless hours and an unquantifiable amount of emotional energy being angry and frustrated with a world that outright refused to conform to the way I thought it should be. I railed against reality because I didn’t understand something very simple: reality does not have to go the way I think it should. Through working my program, because of my Recovery, I have come to understand that my job is to accept what is. In the program, we call it living life on life’s terms.

“HOW It Works”

At every meeting I’ve ever been to, the opening readings included some form of ‘How It Works’, either directly from or adapted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the first suggestions I received from my first sponsor was to volunteer to read this at the meetings. He talked about it as ‘the contract’. I disagree with that way of thinking about it, but I do agree that ‘How It Works’ is one of the most important readings in any meeting. It lays out very clearly what the twelve-step program is and what a newcomer can do to jump in and begin changing their life.

‘HOW’ is also something of a saying in twelve-step circles as an acronym of Honesty, Openness, and Willingness—the three spiritual principles necessary to embark on and maintain a sober way of living. The very first paragraph of the How It Works reading mentions Honesty a number of times. It also talks about the program as being simple. I’ve heard some say that the program isn’t simple, and I’ve heard many others say that if you find it difficult, it’s because you are making it so. All of us with this disease come into the rooms having difficulty with honesty; sometimes the most difficult thing is to be honest with ourselves. Until we are, we can’t truly be honest with anyone else.

The second paragraph of the reading talks about the stories we tell at meetings, our sharing. This is the Openness aspect of it. By opening ourselves up and sharing our experiences with others, we let them know how we have handled life while sober. Knowledge is passed on. The sharing part of meetings has always struck me as the most important part, and there is something ancient about it. No books, no media, just human beings talking with each other, telling what they have learned. Probably in the same way that humans have done so for thousands of years. In our modern age, this has become increasingly rare.

The principle of Willingness is addressed very directly: ‘At some of these, we balked’. It is both an encouragement and a warning. Others have said before me that, as addicts and/or alcoholics, our lives were the result of self-will run riot. The third paragraph states very clearly that self-will does not mix so well with the program. It is not until we stop trying to follow our ideas and become willing to follow the program instead that we begin to make any meaningful progress. Sometimes this is the hardest thing to do, and it takes a great deal of courage—especially for people like ourselves who have lived with so much fear. The reading is clear, though, there are no results until we completely let go.

I’ve been very fortunate in my Recovery. I had a lot of willingness when I first came in and it helped me greatly in my early days. I found a sponsor almost right away and started working the steps. I got a service position. I’ve watched newcomers come into the program and balk every step of the way. Sometimes I’m sympathetic, sometimes not. It is very difficult to listen to the complaints of someone who has made and continues to make their own problems.

It took time to learn how to be honest with myself and others. It took a lot of time and courage to begin to open myself up and talk from my heart as I am, not who I thought I was supposed to pretend to be. Willingness is something I still struggle with; I still find myself trying to run my own life according to my own will. Whenever I do, it doesn’t work. Sometimes the results are mostly harmless. Sometimes, they are disastrous and other people are hurt and caught in the resulting chaos. When I first started attending meetings, I had reached my bottom. I knew without a doubt that my life was not working, and that no matter what or how hard I tried over the years to make it be what I thought it should, my way of running my life didn’t work. The program gave me a different way, and for that I am truly grateful.

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness: it works.