"Apathy Doesn't Work"

From time to time, I find myself thinking deep thoughts about this American culture I live in. The idea that we're the best of best (we're not), the idea that even though we have problems we're still better than any other country out there (also not true). I think, too, about the suburban lifestyle, of repression and hiding secrets, and pretending that everything is fine when it so isn't. I have philosophical friends who I debate with, opinion internet site that I read and post on their bulletin boards. Some people argue that the mere fact that I have the freedom to object to America is the proof that it is so great. Perhaps.

Today, I'm thinking about apathy and being jaded. There's a line in a Ben Folds song--"I know it's cool to be so bored." There's a Calvin & Hobbes comic strip whose punch line is "the world bores you when you're cool." However you might approach it or comment about it, there is a heavy streak of apathy running through my culture. Why bother; why care; Having expectations only leads to disappointment so don't have expectations. Somewhere out there are statistics on how unlikely it is you will receive help if you scream for it. The psychologists have identified the phenomenon and even down to a science--the more people there are around, the less likely it is that someone will offer aid.

Some people take this sense of apathy and make it their life's motto: I don't care. No matter how much you care, no matter what you try to do, you can't really change anything. So why bother? Why bother caring, why bother even feeling. Those of us with the disease are all-too-familiar with numbing ourselves from our feelings. One of the great challenges of Recovery is learning to understand that part of ourselves, learning how to deal with it, when to take action, and when to refrain.

Our feelings are part of us. Our feelings are what makes us human. We don't really get to chose them either. We can't say to ourselves, "I'm only going to feel happiness and joy." That's not to human experience. We feel happy and sad, joy and sorrow. This is why I disagree with the apathy solution. To deny our feelings is to deny our humanity. Besides, if we don't care about anything, then that would mean we don't care about ourselves, either.

Recovery teaches honesty and acceptance. We choose to be in touch with ourselves, to discover what our true feelings are. We choose how react to them, too, even if that might be taking no action. We can get confused, to be sure, about what to do with feelings, but feelings in and of themselves are not bad or good. Anger at an injustice can lead us to take action to correct it. Fear of an abusive partner can lead us to leave a bad situation. Happiness about a newfound love can lead us to insensitive bragging. Unrestrained joy can cause us to miss important details because we're so wrapped up in what we're experiencing.

We get to feel how we feel, and we get to be conscious and present in our lives regardless of what those feelings are. To be apathetic is the real danger. If we don't feel, if we repress or pretend we aren't feeling, then we're denying our humanness.