"Call Your Sponsor"

I was at a birthday meeting not too long ago and someone took a chip for, oh, I don't even remember how much time, but it was over 20 years. He said the things that people who are successful in the program tend to say about how he did it--he still goes to meetings, he's still finds ways to be of service, works the steps with a sponsor, etc. When he mentioned his sponsor, he made a joke that a lot of us laughed at. He said, "I have a great sponsor... I just wish he'd call me more often."

Talking to a newcomer last week, he mentioned to me that his sponsor calls him almost every day. I thought that was very strange, and very at odds with how I've always heard sponsorship is supposed to work. One of my sponses is sponsoring other men now, and he and I have had many conversations about how important it is that the sponsee call the sponsor and not the other way around.

A few weeks back, I had coffee with a friend in the program who wanted my advice on being a sponsor. She hasn't done much sponsoring and has taken one on. I talked with her a lot about just being supportive, keeping strong boundaries, and helping to guide her new sponsee in how to deal with life using the tools of the program.

I don't call my sponsor nearly as often as I could. It's true that I'm doing well, working a strong program, but even so. Our sponsors, at a most basic level, are there to guide us through the steps. They also can be valuable resources on how to work the program on a daily basis, how to integrate it into our daily lives. They're not conflict resolution specialists, they're spiritual guides on how to live the spiritual life. Calling them when things are going well is every bit as important as calling them when things are bad.

I believe strongly that it's the sponsee's responsibility to call the sponsor. When they take on someone new, a lot of sponsors suggest that they call every day. Some people think this is a test, and I guess it is to a certain extent. It's a way of finding out how willing the sponsee is. Do they follow suggestions? Are they truly willing to go to any lengths? Maybe it's not a test so much as a lesson. Not in humility, but in being humble. If we're willing to listen to someone else's advice AND follow it, then it shows we're willing to let go and not run our own lives. It's training, in a way, for that third step when we decide to let our higher power be in charge instead of continually steering the car ourselves (and driving into trees).

Every sponsor does things differently. Sometimes the variation is small, sometimes it's huge. Some just take their sponsees through the steps. Some give detailed advice on every subject. It's important to find someone who is a good fit, who you can trust, who you want what they have. If you don't have a sponsor, look for someone with time, who works a strong program, who is enjoying their life and is at peace with the world. If you have a sponsor, give them a call. Today.

In fact, I think I'll do that myself, right now.