If you don’t know it, learn it: HALT. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. It’s one of those little sayings we have that help us to be in touch with ourselves, to know our limits, and to know when we’re on the edge. As sufferers from the disease, we’re not so good at being in touch with ourselves. Recognizing when we’re in one of the four states listed above helps us to remember that when we’re like that, we’re not functioning at full capacity. Tonight, I’m feeling the last of those--Tired.
This afternoon, I was at an Area meeting for three hours. It was very productive, but long. After that I went and had dinner with some family. It’s my grandmother’s birthday on Tuesday. That was a little difficult to deal with, but I dealt with it just fine. Then I went for a jog and pushed myself up another step. Today I jogged over a mile. I don’t think I’ve jogged a mile without walking since I was a kid. No, that’s a lie. I never jogged that much when I was a kid, so today I did something I’ve never done before that I never thought I could do. It’s a pretty huge milestone for me.
After taking a shower when I got home, I realized I needed some peace. Not the stay in my apartment and flop on the couch kind of peace, but more of a comfort-type action. So I decided to cruise over to my favorite coffee shop and do a little blogging. Cool night air, iced decaf, the patio, and my cigarettes. And wouldn’t you know it my ex-girlfriend is here. I saw her car in the parking lot when I pulled in and said a quick prayer. Inside, I saw her. She’s with a couple guys. And of course my addict brain checks the guys to see which is her boyfriend. Enough, brain, enough. I’m tired.
She asked how I was. I said exhausted, then went and ordered. Now, sitting outside, my thoughts keep trying to bring her into mind. Enough, brain, enough. I’m tired. For God’s sake, I even dealt with my ex-wife for the first time in years just last week. I wasn’t rude to either, but enough, brain, enough. I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to deal with any of that stuff on any level right now.
I accomplished a lot of good things today. I led a very successful Area meeting. Becoming an official district was the end result of many months of work. Now that we’ve made it, we aren’t resting on our laurels, we’re pressing ahead to bring our procedures and positions more in-line with the world services guidelines. We’re a pretty small District, so we have to figure out how much we can do, which positions to combine, so that all the bases get covered.
I’ve been slowly building up my workout routines for a while, too. Just the fact that I’m exercising every day is a big deal. I step up my weights on a regular basis, and I keep increasing the distance on my jogs. Pretty soon, I’ll be strong enough to start increasing my speed and that’s what I’m really looking forward to. Still, to crest this one-mile mark today feels good. Hopefully I’ll be more able to really be proud of that accomplishment when I’m not so tired.
These are the miracles of the program, working in my life today: Setting long-term plans for self-improvement and following through on them. Setting long-term goals for Service and achieving them. Having pleasant phone conversations with my ex-wife even though we haven’t spoken in years. Seeing my ex-girlfriend and having the wisdom to tell my diseased addict brain, “Not now, Uncle Steve; I’m tired.”
((Update: despite my exhausted state, I still remembered to park my car in a spot where there isn’t going to be street sweeping tomorrow--thus avoiding a $50 parking ticket. Now that’s what I call progress.))
No comments:
Post a Comment