"Changing Seasons"

Hmm, been a few days since I've jotted down some Thoughts. Here's what's been happening with me...

Winter is setting in here in central California. The days are getting shorter and clouds are taking over the sky. Today happens to be sunny, though, so I'm down at my favorite coffee shop trying to enjoy the rays while they're here. I'm tempted to say that I suffer from seasonal depression, but I know people who actually do. It has been suggested to me that I get one of those natural light sun boxes type things for my apartment. Maybe to go in that cave I like to call my studio ;-) Seriously, though, winters can be tough. Less sun, less warmth. Cold, lonely nights can seem even colder and lonelier.

I still haven't had any luck on the job front. But the issue with my unemployment benefits has been resolved. It turns out that they ruled in my favor a month ago and just hadn't resumed sending me the checks. The guy I talked to yesterday said he'll send me the one I should have received September 11th and some paperwork for the others. In a few weeks, I should be caught back up. It's a good thing, but I won't feel good about it until I see the money in my bank account. Just a product of living with what is.

My latest CD is 99% finished, though, and that is a very good thing. All the artwork is complete, and I think the mixes are too. I ended up with 12 tracks and have a new one I just wrote that I'm going to throw in there as a hidden track. It's a great disc and I'll do what I can to get it out there. That is the path, of course. Do what I can, leave the rest up to God. I always carry this idea in me of how great it would be to just make music, make enough money doing it that I don't have to worry about finding a job. How fortunate I would be to be doing what I love.

Working the Program has definitely become a part of my life, not my whole life. I go to my meetings, I hold my service positions, I work with others. One of my sponsees has started a new meeting up and I'll be hitting that tonight. There's cool stuff happening in my MA fellowship. We're growing and that is a good thing to see. With the proposition on the ballot out here in California to fully legalize marijuana, we're very conscious of the potential for new members. It's a small fellowship in comparison to AA and NA, but I like being a part of it. I feel like I have more opportunities to make a difference. And there is a bit of strange pride in being part of something that isn't viewed with as much acceptance. There's still a lot of thinking out there that pot is harmless, that it's not addictive. I really enjoy watching newcomers find their ways to the rooms and feel the relief of being in a place where they aren't judged.

I'm really glad to be seeing the therapist again, too. Something tells me I'm going to need that extra bit of help. Well, actually, that's kind of silly to write; of course I need the extra help--it's why I started going back. I feel a touch of gratitude for being able to ask for the help I need. That's something else the program has done for me. Not only have I learned to ask for help, but I've learned to ask for it from those who can give me the help I need.

I said in a meeting the other day that some days are more spiritual for me than others. Some days I'm filled with happiness and gratitude, some days are just sort of blah and I have to just keep on keepin' on. And so I do.