"Depression In Recovery"

I've dealt with depression in my recovery. Or maybe I should say that I deal with it from time to time. I've known people who use medication to help them in their own struggles, people who don't, and many folks who have differing levels of depression. Everything from a persistent sadness to a full-blown, suicide watch Depression with a capital 'D'. There is plenty of debate about whether or not taking psych meds disqualifies someone from claiming they are clean and sober. There are people (like myself) who have had meds prescribed for them in the past and found that they didn't need them in Recovery. There are those, too, who have chosen to go off their meds and committed suicide (like one of my former sponsees). I have a sponsee right now who takes meds for bipolar disorder. I tell him to keep on taking them and make sure he doesn't run out.

Depression is one nasty animal. Metaphors can only describe it part way. I can write here about a black cloud that hangs over everything, a thick fog, but it just doesn't do that awful mental state justice. Someone can literally tell you they love you, and it will sound in your ears, heart, and mind like they are telling you you're the worst person in the world, a waste of skin, and that you really should just go away to someplace where no one will ever find you and lay down and die. And then you feel guilty because you don't do it.

For some, medication is the only way to have a healthy life. It can be the one piece of a daily existence that makes everything else possible. It can be a temporary help when working through trauma or difficult life circumstances. There are many of us who refuse to take meds. As people who suffer from the disease, we tend to be very stubborn, insistent that we can do it ourselves and don't need help. And yet, isn't that what got us into Recovery in the first place? Isn't that the first step on this journey? The surrender? The admission that, in all honesty, we really are miserable and can't go on like this anymore is where it begins. We finally swallow our pride, admit that we are beaten, and ask for help. And when we do, we discover something amazing: there is an end to the suffering. There is a way out, and we don't have to walk that path alone.

Whether or not someone takes meds to help them with their Depression is a decision best made by the individual and their therapist. Sponsors are not doctors (well, perhaps with one notable exception) and professional mental health decisions should be left up to the professionals. As a fellow in Recovery, I see my role as a supportive one. If someone needs an ear to listen to in hard times, I listen. If they want advice, I offer some. If they ask me whether or not they should take psych meds, I tell them that's not my decision to make, and that I will support theirs--whatever it is.

Recovery can help with depression--a lot. Working the 12 steps can be miraculously helpful for those who suffer from this spiritual disease, but they are not the be-all, end-all. If you're unhappy, 'depressed' with a little 'd', know that it will pass. Do what we are taught to do when we're feeling low: go to a meeting; work some steps; be of service to others. If your mental state is persistent, if your Depression is of the big 'D' variety, remember that you have other options, too.

We don't have to punish ourselves. It's okay to feel better, to feel good about ourselves. We. Are. Worth it.