"Different Truths"

Yesterday, I was listening to a radio show. The guest was talking about different kinds of truths. One thing she said really struck me. I don't remember exactly how she put it, so I won't try to quote her, but she was saying that for artists the truth is more squirrelly. For some people the truth is clear-cut, simple, crystal clear. For artistic types (yes, I include myself in this group) it's more malleable. It reminded me of a line from one of my favorite movies, 'V For Vendetta'--artists tell lies to express the truth while politicians tell lies to cover it up.

Something I've learned in my life is that there isn't 'one' truth. What we consider to be 'true' depends so much on our own perspective. As a writer, I express in this blog the truths I discover in my life on a day to day basis. Undoubtedly, there are any number of people who disagree with me on any given point. We all have our own perspective on life; we all see the world in different ways. Sometimes this difference is small, sometimes enormous. But I tend to keep this idea in mind, that what is true for me might not be true for others. I'm not out to beat anyone over the head with what I think is right. The thoughts I write here are what I think, and if they are helpful to others, if other people enjoy reading them and find wisdom in these words, that is enough for me.

In my music, the idea of truth doesn't come up so much. Lately, my music has been instrumental--no words--but there is an emotional truth that I attempt to express. It's a different kind of truth, one of feeling instead of knowledge. I'm not a painter, but it seems to me that the visual artists have lots of choice when it comes to expressing truth. They can paint a picture of something real, or from something imaginary in their mind. They can paint a realistic portrait of someone who doesn't exist, or they can paint a distorted image of something real. I have written some fiction. Short stories, a couple novels. And it's in those times where the whole 'truth' idea gets twisted up in a fascinating way.

If you think about it for a moment, a fictional story is nothing more than a pack of lies. It's a story totally made up. Now, the author may draw from their own experiences to populate the pages of their work, but it's still exactly what it claims to be--a work of fiction. And yet, from those fictional words and sentences can emerge amazing truths. Truths about who we are, what it means to be human, about the world around us, and on and on. I've known many people who've cried at the death of a beloved character. Movies and TV can do the same thing to us. We are moved on intellectual and emotional levels by the 'truth' of what we've read or seen.

In the program, our path to discovering truth begins with Honesty. I remember, when still active in my addiction, one of the few times I went dry. I only made it a few days. Without the numbing effects of my substances, I was faced with several overwhelming truths I did not want to look at. I was miserable. I hated life. I hated the world. I didn't want to be with my wife. I hated myself. One of the reasons I was always loaded was specifically so I didn't have to face those truths. I didn't know how to deal with any of them. It was a relief to go back to the abyss of being numb.

I'm not going to say that it's comfortable bliss to fold myself up into truth and honesty. Sometimes it feels great. Sometimes it hurts like hell. I will say, though, that it does beat the alternative. There are no lasting truths to be found in being loaded all the time. As I've said before, the deep insights I had when getting high, I'm pretty sure now that I was just high. And in any event, I don't remember any of them.

When we work the steps, we start applying spiritual principles to our lives and truths are revealed to us. The first is that we have the disease. We admit to our deepest selves a fundamental truth about ourselves. We take more steps and learn more principles. We learn hope and faith and courage, and we learn more about the truth of who we are, how we have treated others and let them treat us. We practice integrity, willingness, love, justice, and forgiveness, and we learn that it is possible for people to change. We keep working the program and we discover the truth of how it feels to be free.