"New Phone, Old Thoughts"

1,001 one days at a time. How ‘bout that, eh? As usual, my addict brain, instead of allowing me to congratulate myself, has found ways to beat up on me. Uncle Steve isn’t just a liar; he’s abusive too. But we don’t have to go into all that. It’s just a bunch of lies.

I’m blogging now from a new phone. Over the weekend, I dropped my other one and shattered the glass. Instead of having a fit, cursing myself or my bad luck, or wailing about not having money to get a replacement, I shrugged to myself and put ‘get a new phone’ at the top of the to-do list. I researched, found a couple options, and went about finding the best price. There was a minor problem when I went to buy it at first. The guy at the store had me all set to go with a great deal and then it turned out he didn’t actually have the phone in stock. Weak. Everything turned out okay, though. I went to a different store and they were able to hook me up with the same phone, same deal. They even spread my payments out across my next few bills. Manageable? Check.

I love the new phone, too. It’s a slider design, a lot like a mini-laptop computer. The built-in keyboard is fantastic. The keys are widely-spaced and very easy to type on. The screen is good size with excellent graphics. It’s definitely better than my old phone and feels like it will last me just as long if not longer. Now if I can just avoid dropping it...

Hitting the thousand day mark yesterday, I talked to my sponsor last night and thanked him for his help. He gave me mad props for doin the deal--I stay in touch with him, I work the steps, I do service, work with others, etc. He made a special mention that I wasn’t bragging about my time, but continuing to give it away by thanking the people who’d helped me. I even spent some time with an old friend yesterday who’s kinda new to the program. It was good to see him. He’s in a sober living environment now, which for as hard as that is for him, is easier than living where he was.

I can give myself a break, but of course the disease says otherwise. Uncle Steve ain’t never gonna say he’s proud of me. Instead of looking at all the good I’ve done, instead of taking a measure of pride in my accomplishments, it tells me to focus on the bad: that I’m still unemployed, haven’t been able to quit the cigarettes, and then it jumps off from there. But I don’t have to do that. I have tools to handle that.

I can turn that perspective around and focus on the good. I can pat myself on the back for doing well in school this semester and commend my dedication for continuing on with that long-term plan. I can give myself approval for getting a good deal on a new phone instead of sitting in inaction and whining about life. I can be proud of the fact that just a couple days ago I put in another application for work; I am looking for a job and taking action to find one.

And more than all that, I’m not just sitting around on my ass. I have my music. I go to meetings; tonight’s the Area meeting and I’ve shown good leadership there over my term. I’ve even started a new writing project with a friend of mine.

I don’t just sit around anymore and let life happen to me. I’m an active participant in my life now. I do what I can and I leave the rest up to God. That’s the Recovery way.