"Thank You For Not Smoking"

Okay, I don't want to make a big ol' speech, but since this blog IS about my life, a change this major needs to be written about: yesterday, I quit smoking. No, not cold turkey, I'm chewing nicotine gum. This is a change I've been planning for a while. I have been gradually smoking less cigarettes & chewing more of the gum for several months now. When I went back to work, that plan largely got abandonded, but something very interesting occurred. I was out on one of my breaks, having a cigarette, and I looked down at it and realized I was totally using it to cope with how unhappy I was being back at work. I knew I was done, and that I really didn't want to do it anymore.

I've tried to quit smoking many times, now, and several ways. I was actually quit for about a month before I got sober. Picked it back up within just a week or two. Last year, I tried four times. This year, I didn't make any resolutions or decisions, just said to myself that I'd quit when I was done. Before I got laid-off, I had joked about quitting smoking if that's what happened. When it did, I knew I had to put my money where my mouth was.

The stepping down was my sponsor's suggestion, and it turned out to be a really good one. As time went by, I found myself liking the gum more than the cigarettes. Then, there came a point where I was just flat-out tired of the smoking. When that moment at work happened, I knew it was long past time. I decided that when I'd smoked my last cig, that would be it. That happened on Tuesday. I didn't savor it, I didn't wait until a certain time to smoke it, I just had it when I would normally have one, and then it was done. Hopefully, forever.

Some people think you should quit smoking when you get sober--at the same time you quit everything else. Other people say you should wait at least a year into Recovery before attempting to quit. Some people who have never smoked cigarettes in their lives will pick the habit up after entering Recovery. People who've been quit for years will start back up again. We are addicts. This is what we do. Addiction experts call cigarette smoking a compulsion, not a full-blown addiction. I am not going to comment on that. A lot of people used to smoke. There was a time when being an ashtray cleaner was a dedicated service position. And I just want to remind people that this is a habit many doctors once advocated.

Our culture has changed, when it comes to smoking, but I say 'woe' to the person foolish enough to get up in a Recovering addict's face about it. In fact, I remember someone being new to the program showing up at an NA dance I went once. He was wearing a 'nicotine is a drug' tshirt. Wow. I think I even asked him about it. His reply was that it is a drug; it is addictive. Of course, so is being a self-righteous asshole.

I hope I stay quit this time, I really do. But I'm not concerning myself with the future. I know how to work this, and it's the good old-fashioned way: One Day At A Time. Some might say that, with the stress of being back at work and all that I have going on in my full life, maybe I should wait to quit. But I know that's just an excuse, and that any excuse will do. So I might as well quit now. I have to at some point, or else I'll die. I really do hope I'm successful at it this time. Maybe even being back at work was what helped me to quit, considering I wouldn't have had that moment of clarity if I hadn't been back.