“Sometimes Life Just Is”

What a week. Work is good, in the sense that it’s good to be employed, better to be getting paid well for it, but the pay is earned through high levels of stress. I had a minor issue with Area to deal with, and my homegroup last night was... lame. Oh, and the clutch went out in my car. But it’s been fixed and I don’t really feel like going over the whole story about that. I think I used up all my complaining credits with the new tires ordeal.

I’ve started at least one blog this week but been unable to finish it. I had a look at what I’d written, but just wasn’t feeling the subject so much anymore. It was going to be a big diatribe on how so many new meetings have started because of resentments.

I’ve had other thoughts for writing, too, about smaller fellowships that have a hard time growing, like my Marijuana Anonymous group that I go to. People go to them for a while, get time, and leave because there aren’t people with time in those meetings. And yet, the reason there isn’t people with time is because when people get time, they leave because there aren’t more people with time. You’ve heard about Marijuana Anonymous, right? It’s a gateway fellowship; leads to harder and stronger fellowships?

There was an incident at work, well, not an incident, just the staff joking around about my baldness and cracking wise about my looking like a skinhead . But ya know, I don’t really feel like writing about all that either.

So there you are, I’ve chewed up half a blog writing about all the things I’m not going to write about. I’ll go ahead and throw in a casual mention here about how it’s not like thousands of people peruse this site everyday, depending on me for help living life on life’s terms.

I’m not bitter, just... tired I guess. Yes the job is stressful, but when I do finally see my paycheck at the end of this month, it will all have been worth it. There’s lots of potential at this place for a career track for me, and that’s promising. Sure, I was pissed beyond belief about the car, but it’s fixed now. And I spent some time with my dad today and really enjoyed that.

In a weird way, I feel like I’m settling into my own skin even more. Not worrying so much about always trying to be as spiritual as possible, just allowing myself to just be.

There’s something, too, going though my mind--a little bit of loneliness. And that’s okay. All things in their time, I suppose.

Maybe what I’m feeling is that life doesn’t necessarily have some big, overarching, deep meaning; maybe life just is. You live it, you make your choices, and it is.

Still sober over here, though.