There are a LOT of different ideas out there about what God is--and I include in that statement the idea that God isn't. Many people come into the program very hung up on 'the God stuff'. Some meetings are strong on the proselytizing. The majority of the meetings I go to are not like that. We don't tell people what to believe or how.Personally, I enjoy talking about God, but I rarely start those conversations. Once in them, I have a few standard things I tend to say. I use the word 'him', for example. This does not mean that I think God is a man. I don't. I don't think God is a woman, either. The best way to describe my opinion on that subject would be for me to say I think God neither male nor female and yet also both. Also, I do use the word 'God'. I do this not because I think that's his name or because I subscribe any particular religion's dogma of what he's like, but because it is a word I can understand that I know others know. It's like a shorthand for something incomprehensible and, to a large extent, indescribable.
It's important to me to not tell others what to believe. No one told me to believe in God. What I know is what I have learned over the course of my life. My faith does not come from dogma, but from my own experiences. I don't know God through hearsay; I know him because he has made himself known to me. I know him because I have sought him and sought deeper understanding of him.
My faith is not dependent on convincing others that God is real. When someone tries to draw me into an argument, I just try to be respectful of their perspective and know that they are allowed to believe as they choose. It's called freedom, and it's not the kind of freedom they talk about on tv or sell you in stores. It's not freedom of choice like what am I having for lunch today or which Presidential candidate will I vote for in the next election. It's the freedom of choosing how we interact with reality.
Some believe that there is no God and that free will is an illusion. I disagree on both counts. God has touched my life, touched me personally, in so many ways that it's never even occurred to me to keep track of the frequency. I am grateful to have that force in my life and know that I am fortunate to have it. But I tend to think there is nothing particularly special about this, and that anyone can have such a force working in their lives if they allow it to.
I disagree with the idea that there's no free will, because if there isn't, there's no responsibility. If someone is molested as a child, and grows up to be a child molester, they are freed of any culpability. But of course, there are many children who are abused who don't grow up to be abusers. What is the difference? Some of us repeat the behaviors and mistakes visited upon us; some of us make conscious decisions to do things differently. To me, that's free will in action right there.
I believe that God has given us this gift, this blessing of choice. The love God has for us is so strong that we are allowed to chose whether we want to live in the real or not. We get to decide whether we want to be close to God or not. We can allow God to work directly in our lives... or not. My higher power, the God I believe in, is not in need of praise. In fact, I'm reasonably sure that God loves each of us unconditionally no matter what we do. We are all loved more fully and more deeply than we could ever understand.
Instead of spending my time in praise, I try to live a life that honors God. If I do my best to treat the people I cross paths with in a spirit of love, then I am succeeding. When I find myself unable to do so, I find it helpful to pray. Sometimes I ask God to change my heart. Sometimes, I just rat myself out and admit the truth in prayer. I figure I'm the one who has had a hard time accepting my humanity, my imperfections. God has always known and accepted me as I am. I've been behind the times on this for a while. I still am, really. I hope to one day get to a place inside where I truly love and accept myself unconditionally. Even if I get there, though, I know the love I will have for myself will never be as great as the love God has for me.
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