I was browsing through some of my previous blog entries when I realized that I had never really written about being laid-off. I had mentioned it, but done no entry on the subject. A little odd, eh? A life-changing experience, something that definitely ranks up there on the list of ‘bad stuff that really sucks to have to deal with’. I’m a little surprised about not having written an entry, and at the same time very much not surprised.“Zach, how do you feel about not having to go in five days a week to that job that you hated?”
The question pretty much answers itself, doesn’t it? In truth, I’m trying to walk a line of sorts. Sure, I’m not thrilled about being unemployed, but the job I was working was so very much not me. It was a job I’d taken when I was still active in my addiction, another job in a list of employment occupations that I’d taken specifically because I didn’t have to think too hard or work too much. Though I do feel the need to insert in here that when I started, I was one of three or four people and by the time they’d let me go I was the last man standing. But all of that is a little snippy, and I’m trying to live more spiritually here.
Am I happy to not be working there anymore? I suppose. Mostly, what I’m happy about is having the chance to do what I love doing most, which is my music and my writing. This current album project I’m working on feels like the best music I’ve ever written and my skills in mixing it are helping it to shine even more. I’m grateful for the chance to do more writing, another one of my loves. I’ve been reading my words at open mic nights and poetry events. I’m getting better connected with the artist scene here in town.
Some people feel very strongly that life is about work. That’s fine. They are allowed to have that perspective. My sister, as just one example, has taken that path in her life. She works, goes to school, and has pushed herself really hard and reaped the rewards of it. She’s paid well and is well-schooled in her field. I’ve never been one who thought that work was the be-all end-all of why we are here.
It just might be that, these days, I have a healthy sense of letting go. I am unemployed. But do I sit around bemoaning this fact? No. I wasn’t fired. I wasn’t let go because I was a sub-standard employee. When I was there, I did my job. How well depends on your definition of what constitutes doing a good job. Was I someone who was constantly working? Nope. Because that’s not the kind of employee I am. I don’t push papers around, slack off, stretch things out so it always looks like I’m busy. I get the job done. As in, yesterday. Give me a problem, it’s solved. If a manager prefers to have his employees look busy than actually get things done, then sure I probably am not the greatest employee to them.
But I have never had a great need for lots of money. Even before I entered Recovery, I was well aware of that old adage that Things are to be Used and People are to be Loved, not the other way around. I don't have much use for things. One of my most favorite compliments came from a friend who told me, "you don't have a materialistic bone in your body, do you?" To which I replied, "not really, no." It is one of the truths about who I am.
The time that I have now is a blessing. Sure, I would much prefer that I not have a day job because my music was going so well or I was getting paid to write a book. That would be fantastic! But I do have time these days to spend doing the things that I am truly good at. I’ve made music for as long as I can remember. Of all the gifts God has given me, that is the one he has blessed me with more than any other. I have done my part, of course. I’ve studied, I’ve practiced, and I continue to chart a course for improvement, and I reap the rewards of that.
There’s an old line that artists like myself hear a lot. “When are you going to get a real job?” Yeah, that crops up in conversations sometimes, and I do my best not to give in to that quick, rude, retort that’s always on the tip of my tongue. It usually sounds something like, “Shit, I’ve been making music for 25 years. What have you been up to?”
Most likely, at some point, I will be working a day job again. Maybe not. Maybe this increased time and effort I’m putting into my artistic endeavors will lead directly to my being able to continue doing them without having to worry about finding a day job. I don’t know, but I do know that it is worth exploring and that if I hadn’t taken this opportunity to work on the things I love, I’d be kicking myself.
Making the decision to spend more time on my art was a no-brainer. I’m not even sure I had much conscious thought about it. It felt so natural, like the Next Right Thing. Only time will tell if it truly is the next right thing, but that’s what it feels like right now. A lot of people, here in the US particularly, don’t understand this inborn need to create. They don’t get why someone would spend so much time and energy on something that isn't guaranteed to bring in the big bucks. That’s okay, they don’t have to understand.
What I understand is this: I have never been happier. So if you’re wondering how I feel about losing my job? Meh. Wasn’t anything I did or could have done. How am I spending my time? Oh, let’s just say I’m doing my best to do what I was born to do.
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