Something has been on my mind, and I'm not sure how to write about it without being judgmental. But it keeps circling around. Experience has taught me that's when it's time to share it.
I was at a meeting where we discussed the second step. For my share, I took my usual care to say 'Higher Power' because I have a deep belief that others are allowed to find and believe in the god of their own understanding. Each of the shares were about people's feelings towards their own higher power. Some talked about the group as their higher power. A lot of folks talked about the difficulty of finding something that worked for them. One member talked about how they weren't sure about God, didn't really believe in anything except themselves. So they proclaimed that they were their own higher power.
The sound you've just heard is the collective 'smack' of thousands of recovering addicts & alcoholics smacking their own foreheads in a Homer Simpson-styled "D'oh!"
Now, in all fairness, this person was brand new to the program and had not even worked the first step yet. They are undoubtedly still in the grips of their disease, with no Recovery yet to speak of. Probably the coolest thing about it all was that no one jumped down the sharer's throat. They were allowed to speak, to state their perspective and talk about what they were going through. They were respected and welcomed.
We go to meetings to learn. When I was new, I had to learn that I was an addict. I knew I used all day long, but couldn't see anything wrong with it. I knew I wanted to quit, but couldn't. It was by going to meetings, hearing the shares of other people, that the veil of denial finally lifted and I became willing to admit that I am an addict. It was by listening to others with this disease that I began to learn about it and to learn the full extent of how it had affected my life. I had to learn that addiction/alcoholism isn't about just drugs & booze, that our use is a symptom, not the cause.
I hope that member keeps coming back. Maybe they will find that holding themselves as their higher power doesn't work so well. Maybe not. But listening to them talk helped me, helped my Recovery. I need to remember where I've been.
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