"Connection"

At my homegroup last night, a newcomer shared that they didn't want to drink or use because it would cut off the connection with their higher power. I heard this said and thought to myself, "wow--you just hit the nail on the head." It was great to see someone so new clue in to such a fundamental aspect of the program. If we're loaded, we can't make conscious contact. Being intoxicated--even a little--prevents us from making that connection with the power greater than ourselves. It prevents us from hearing the small still voice speaking to us deep inside. It obliterates our ability to follow our higher power's will for us.

The program is a spiritual program. The purpose of the 12 steps is to have a spiritual awakening. By working each step, we learn a specific spiritual principle. By the time we reach the end of the 12 steps, we have had much practice in using these principles. When we work the twelfth step, we start putting all that we have learned into daily practice; we become living examples of the power of living the spiritual life. Our very presence is a message of that power. We become connected to the power greater than us, connected to our true selves, and connected to other people in a most powerful way.

For this addict/alcoholic, who used to spend his life in total isolation from all of the above, it is a gift for which I am so grateful. There really aren't words to express how it feels to not be alone anymore. There are times when I feel alone, sure. There are times when the last thing I want is to be around other people. But at those dark times, on those dark days, I lean even harder on God, and I know that my prayers are heard. My prayers are answered. Maybe not in the way that I want, but in the way that I need. It's an amazing thing, to feel empty, lost, and weak, and then be filled with the strength of my higher power.

I really liked hearing the newcomers share last night--all of them. It was great to hear their dedication to the program, hear how it's already helping them in their lives. When I shared, I thanked them for what they'd said. I talked about being where they are and remembered how it felt to be new, to go through those stages. I remembered the exhilaration I'd felt at the beginning, how it had felt so good, how it got harder, then how it got even harder than that, and how it finally started to get easier. The road of Recovery can be a hard road at times, but the journey is worthwhile--so long as I remember that it's a journey and not a destination.

Even when I feel lost, I'm still connected to my higher power. When I feel isolated from my fellows, I can go to a meeting and know that I'm not alone. Even if I don't share. Even if I don't speak a word to anyone. Sometimes I'm stuck inside myself having a pity party. Being at a meeting jars me out of that rut and reminds me of the truth: that I am connected.

The disease can block that connection, but only if we let it. Getting loaded can block it. Letting fear dictate our actions can block it. But always we have the ability to overcome. Instead of letting the disease run things, we can reach out for the strength of our higher power, let ourselves be moved, guided. Connection is always available to us, and it's our choice whether we rely on it or not.