"Just Another Day"

I have a saying: Blargh. It's kind of my short-form way of expressing the idea, "shit's all fucked up, life is crazy, people are nuts, and oh by the way I'm still here and watching all of it," with a healthy dose of amused 'whatever' to top it all off. It's one thing about this blog--there’s not a good way to just make unintelligible noises. It would seem that this is one of those days where I don't have any particular point to make, just writing to let my readers know that I'm still here and I'm still sober. Which any Recovering addict can tell you is a one-two miracle punch combo.

Right now I'm at my favorite coffee shop. There are patrons at a table next to me talking in a stoned-out inflection about conspiracy theories of the local power company. I'm watching business-type folks come in and go out. Some have laptops, some have newspapers. Some are on breaks from work, others are clearly looking for work. Pretty girls with their slovenly dressed boyfriends abound. The stoners' topic changes to a heated discussion of which bowling alley in town has the best lanes.

I'm still unemployed. Unemployment here in California is pretty bad, with 1 in 7 people out of work. I'm still working the program, though. I’m still doing good things for myself, still pressing on doing what I can and doing my best to let go of the things beyond my control. I've been working on promotion for my latest CD. I've got some internet radio play going and am already seeing fans crop up all over the world. Not tons, but so what? I threw up some quick and dirty music videos on YouTube. Again, they aren't getting tons of play, but I'm not stressing about that either. Sure, it would be nice to have thousands of fans, all demanding a copy of the latest tunes, but that's not up to me. I do what I can; I make the music, I put it out there, and whatever happens happens.

Every once in a while, one of the pretty girls throws me a casual glance when her guy is looking the other way. I smile to myself.

There's only a few weeks left for school this semester. It's looking like I'll pull an 'A' and a 'B' for my two classes, and I'm okay with that. It would have been nice to make 'A's in both, but that's not what I earned. The classes have been really trying for me. The teachers are blah, bordering on terrible. I don't feel like I wasted a semester, though. I'd thought that going for the drug & alcohol counseling certificate would be a good idea. Now I know it's not something I'm interested in, and that's good knowledge to have. Keeping on with it might mean a new job sooner, but I'm okay with putting in the time to become an MFT and so I’m going to set that course an head straight for it. I know now that the D&A counseling isn't a job I would enjoy and the whole point of finding a new career is to do something I want to do, a job that I’d enjoy doing. The days of slaving away at a job I hate are over. It's about knowing that I'm worth it; I'm worth the time and energy to do what I want with my life.

We've got our district meeting tonight for my MA fellowship. No doubt personalities will run strong, and that's okay too. We’re going to look at our H & I activity and see if there aren’t better ways for us to reach out to the community. California’s ballot measure to legalize marijuana failed, but there are still plenty of medical dispensaries in operation. Every week, more and more newcomers are showing up at our meetings looking for a safe place to get help.

I like days like this, days where nothing is particularly different or special, just that my attitude is good. Even as the stoners come over, uninvited, to play with my Zippo lighter on their way out to go smoke. No job, no girlfriend, and no idea what the future holds, and still I deal with the world from a place of slight amusement. It's not that life is good or bad, it simply is what it is. And today I'm able to face it from a place of strength, thanks to my higher power, and security in myself, thanks to the program.

Still staying sober over here...