"Ongoing Problems"

I have an ongoing problem in my life: being unemployed. Though I have to admit, that bit from the movie 'Office Space' keeps coming to my mind. "You've been missing a lot of work, Peter." "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob." Laughter. Seriously, though, my situation, which does carry a certain amount of stress, is nothing compared to what some others have to deal with. I have one friend who's being evicted. I have another who deals with life-threatening health issues. And then there are those who have broken brains that even medication can only do so much for.

I've only been out of work a few months. There are those who have been unemployed for years. I struggle sometimes with depression, but there are those who have Bipolar Disorder. I don't have any children, so I've no idea what it's like to deal with uncontrollable kids day after day. Or to have one of them die. Or to be unable to have children at all. I've been fortunate enough in my life to rarely deal with illness. I can only imagine what it's like to have to take medication just to stay alive, or to function in society.

What I can do is be there for those I know who deal with these issues. I can help a friend move the few possessions she has into a storage unit so that they don't get thrown out by the police. I can offer reassuring words to someone who is suicidal and be an ear for them to talk to as they struggle to find the strength to face one more day. I can offer my shoulder to cry on and a tight hug to someone as she cries about not being able to have children.

I have to take care of myself, too, of course. If I don't do that, then I'm not able to be there for anyone else.

One of the things that bothers me so much about this culture is that there are seemingly so few people who care about others. There's too much guilt-based helping, people who lend a hand not because they truly want to but because they'll feel guilty if they don't. People who don't know how to say 'no'. It breeds resentment, and they end up with harsh feelings towards those who need help. So many people don't understand or know how to have good boundaries. And of course, there's always the over-arching Laissez-Faire, Social Darwinist idea that you shouldn't help people, people should only help themselves, and if they can't they deserve to die. I really hate that shit. Maybe that makes me a socialist commie pinko tree-hugging liberal. So what? The truth is that nobody gets anywhere in life without some kind of help from someone, somewhere along the way.

I'm not always able to help others. I have my days where I'm the one who needs helped. So often I have found--and this is true for myself as well--that what most people need when they need help isn't someone else's pity. They don't want someone to solve their problems for them. More than anything, what they really need is someone to listen to them, who will hear them out, and let them know that what they think and feel is valid. That they are worthwhile as a person. That what they're going through matters.

Sometimes helping is an action. Sometimes it's nothing more than listening. Whichever it is, the help I always try to give is to make sure that the person on the other end, the one who is suffering, knows that they are loved and feels it.