“Easter Miracles”

I have a saying: St. Patrick’s day is just another day if you don't drink. I'm feeling a little like that about Easter today. I was raised Christian, was very involved in church growing up. I've spent a lot of time studying the bible, Christian history, and had many conversations with my friends who are ministers. At one point, I had seriously considered going into the ministry, had even applied and been accepted to seminary.

These days, I’m barely involved at all. I never go to church. Occasionally, I’ll play piano for services, but that’s pretty much it. And that’s okay. I have my spiritual practice, my own faith discipline, through going to meetings. It’s what works for me and that’s what’s important. Later today I’ll be getting together with my family for Easter dinner and that will be the extend of my holiday-related activities. I think I better change subjects; I’m feeling a bit of Easter scrooge creep in.

I’m feeling better today, regarding all the stuff from Friday night. I had a long, good talk with my sponsor. The brain is much calmer, thankfully. Right now I’m enjoying an iced coffee at one of my local cafes and doing some people watching. It’s great weather outside and very few cars on the road. Lots of folks here, though. Lot’s of parents with their kids; lots of couples with their little tiny dogs; lots of couples, period.

I seem to be having a gratitude moment. I may not have a girlfriend or a wife & family, but that’s okay. I’ve got good friends, clean air, a place to live. It’s one of those moments where everything feels just fine. I can take notice of little things. Birds chirping, bugs in the dirt. Hmm. Suddenly I want to call, ‘ya goddamned hippie!’ on myself :)

You know, early Recovery is tough. Bit by bit, though, you get those moments of peace and serenity. There’s the big crash coming down off the pink cloud and things get much harder. And then they get harder. And then they get even harder. In time, and with continuing to work the program on a daily basis, things do finally start to get better. The ups and downs even out and life just becomes... life. We get the opportunity to make life what we want it to be.

For me, a lot of what I want out of life is what I have right here and now--sitting peacefully, being a part of the world, being okay with myself. Fame? Fortune? Eh, that’s not exactly top priority. Just being okay, happy to be me and be at peace. That was what I wanted for so long, and it’s through working the program that I’ve found it. It’s not like that all the time, not every moment of every day, but more often than not and much more so than I would have guessed possible. That’s the Easter miracle in my life: being sober and being at peace within myself.