Allergy season is upon us. Those of us who live here in the central California valley have a saying--if you didn't have allergies when you got here, you will soon. A friend of mine at the meeting the other night was bemoaning it, talking about how he just didn't feel right all hopped up on the antihistamines. It's a necessary evil. Either spend all day sneezing your head off, or take something. Speaking for myself, my nose and throat have been itching for a week. I've been taking my pills, too. In fact, last night I made the mistake of taking the wrong thing about ten o' clock and didn't get to sleep until around 5 am. Thank god for South Park on DVD.
It's a beautiful day, otherwise. Blue sky, warm air, and a slight breeze. The coffee shop I'm at is across the way from a park and there are plenty of opportunities for people watching. Dog watching, too. In fact, lots of cute girls on their bicycles. Moms are pushing their kids on the swing sets. It's a good day. Later today I'll be helping my folks out with some yard work, then this evening I'm taking a friend to a meeting. My schoolwork for the weekend is mostly accomplished. I got my Social Psych paper written, and I'm feeling good enough about the state of my music projects to let them be for a day or two. My brain feels pretty calm today, which is surprising, considering the insomnia from last night. There was a touch of not good stuff last night, fears about money, loneliness, all perfectly normal for someone unemployed and without a girlfriend.
Right now my view is filled with a group of people. I'm staring from behind my sunglasses at a sexy stoner chick. She's got long hair that's mostly a dark red, but with a healthy streak of white and a hint of blue in there somewhere. I notice her smooth skin and ample bosom. Her tall, lanky boyfriend stands beside her with his arms folded, not saying much. His gauge earrings and tiny hipster hat express the 'cool' fashions of the times. The two of them listen and laugh at the random ramblings of a couple of their stoner friends. They all seem like good people, just out enjoying a nice day. Behind me, a pair of guys talk nuclear politics. The damaged reactors in Japan, the moratorium on oil drilling and its effect on energy research. They pause occasionally to bark behavioral commands at their dogs which sit here with us unleashed. A 30-something mom, her nose and ears adorned with multiple earrings, talks on her cell phone while making sure her infant is out of the sun. A man picks up the free local liberal rag newspaper, flips through its pages of medical marijuana ads, and talks on his own cell phone about being hung over and how much he had at the different bars he went to last night.
This is life. Most of the time, there's not much happening, and how we perceive it has a lot to do with what our reality is. So much of what I'm feeling, I get to choose. Do I glance through the pot ads and think wistfully on getting stoned? Or do I just chuckle at how many there are of them? I could stare at the cute girls and wish I had someone to share my life, or I can just enjoy the sight and know there's nothing wrong with admiring a good-looking gal. Do I look at the good-looking guy and wish I was him? Or do I wonder privately how much speed he has to do to maintain that figure? Or maybe--just maybe--I take it all in and don't think much about any of it.
This is what being at peace is like, and I'll take a brief moment here to show some gratitude. This is what freedom from active addiction is like for me: having the opportunity and ability to just be in the moment and enjoy it. Not reacting to any of it, just taking it in and experiencing it. Very Zen.
For someone like myself, who in the past was accused so many times of never being satisfied, I have to admit that I'm feeling pretty satisfied right now. Maybe I don't have lots of money, or a big house, or a fancy car, but so what? Those things are nice, and I'm sure it'd be nice to have those nice things, but here's the thing about inner peace--it means being at peace, no matter where I am or what my circumstances are.
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