“Feels Good To Be Working”

I’m on my lunch break now from my first full day back to work. I have an hour to eat, relax, and what do I do with it? Blog. Why? Because I have this giddy feeling bubbling up inside me, almost like a secret. It’s almost like I want to pull a random stranger aside and whisper, “Psst! Hey! I love my new job!”

I got here half an hour early this morning, met my supervisor, my coworkers. Things were a little slow at first. I had to get my computer access up and running, which required a trip to the IT department. There was a lot of reading about the department I’m in, the way funding sources are set up, how the coordination happens between local and regional offices. There were some details I probably didn’t need to know, but that’s alright.

In due course, they got to the nitty gritty of training me on the specific tasks I’ll be doing. I couldn’t help myself from smiling. It’s not exactly simple stuff. There’s lots of analysis, lots and lots of little details. I won’t be bored, and that’s a huge relief. I won’t be doing this work on autopilot, either; I’ll actually be using my brain, which is an outright joy.

One of the biggest frustrations at my last job was how tedious it was. It didn’t require much thinking at all. Monotonous--that’s probably a better word for it. Or maybe ‘mind-numbingly dull’. I read a personality profile on myself once that said, “avoid repetitive clerical tasks at all costs!” You know, like they’re the plague or something :-) One of my fears about this new job was that I’d be stuck doing just that. Again. And that the sneaking suspicion I had inside that I was capable of so much more would remain just that--an unconfirmed suspicion. It feels good to be doing more in-depth work, to be pushing myself, and confirming that idea. My employer is showing a lot of faith in me to start me at this level of pay, and I feel good about being able to rise to the occasion.

Probably in time I won’t feel so excited about the job, and that’s to be expected I think. The newness will wear off and I’ll adjust. The new What Is will be that I’m working, just like most people. And I think that’s part of why I’m feeling so giddy right now. After being out of work for so long, I still don’t quite believe that I’m back at it. Maybe it won’t even really set in until I get that first paycheck.

Something I’ve rarely written about through my long period of being unemployed was feeling worthless for not having a job. It’s not like the thought wasn’t there, I just kept it at bay. Truthfully, it was always there. It showed up most often when I would think about dating, for some strange reason. Ah, I’m rambling.

It’s only the first day, of course, and it may turn out that all the new information and training that I think I understand, I’m in fact actually clueless about. But for right now, I feel really good. It feels good to be working again. The people in the office feel like decent, nice folks. And it feels great to be using my gray matter upstairs. So I raise my coffee cup in gratitude for a good start.