Tuesday, August 17, 2010

"What's In A Fellowship?"

Also known as, "A meeting is a meeting is a meeting." Why? Because the disease is the disease is the disease. Experts in the field, medical and psychological, will tell you this. Sometimes they call it alcoholism, sometimes they call it addiction. It's the same thing. It's why the 12-steps work regardless of what you're hooked on. It's why so-called cross addiction is such a huge issue. It's why working a true program of Recovery requires being clean and sober of all mind and mood-altering substances. If you're going to Narcotics Anonymous but still drinking, you're not sober. If you go to Alcoholics Anonymous but smoke pot, you're not sober.

This is not to say that the different fellowships don't have their place. The main fellowship I attend is Marijuana Anonymous. That was my drug of choice. Sure, I drank. I've done crystal meth, some shrooms, and bits of other things here and there. But no matter what else I tried, pot was my main drug. When I talk about being loaded 24-7, I'm talking about the weed. I go to MA because it gives me a chance to talk about pot (if I need to) and because there are people there whose disease manifestation most closely resembles my own. But it's not the only fellowship I attend.

I also regularly attend an AA meeting that I absolutely love. While I'm there, I respect their traditions and don't talk about pot. But I go because there's good Recovery in that room, and I can relate because I can look at the times I did drink and see that I drank alcoholically. I can identify with the things they have felt and the insanity of their lives. I have the same disease they do. I go because there are people there who have time. There's a joy there, and a firm commitment to living the spiritual life. I listen to them talk and want what they have. It's the place I go to get the Recovery I need. Then I take that and pass it right along to the other meetings I go to.

I've watched people take sobriety chips and talk about how their drinking is a problem, but at least they've still got their time off of pot. I've known people who drink and smoke weed everyday but still consider themselves sober because they don't do crank or shoot heroin anymore. To me, that's insane. This is a program of rigorous honesty, but I can't control other people. One of the reasons the 12-step program has been so successful is because each member is personally responsible for their own program. No one else gets to tell them they can't take a chip.

Most of the time, I can remind myself of this and let it go. If I find I can't, I talk about it with my sponsor or other people in the program. If I still have trouble, I can work a fourth-step around the issue. But it is frustrating to me, in general, that so many people fail to recognize the full extent of this disease. I talk about this with one of my sponsees a lot, too. He has a sponsee that refuses to change his sobriety date. I just remind him of the same things that I need reminding of: we can't control other people. We can be rigorously honesty with ourselves, set an example, and allow others to follow it if they choose to.

This point that I harp on from time to time, that it's all the disease, is one of my main themes on this blog. I talk about it for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is that it breaks my heart to see someone who is suffering not get the help they need. Another is this really important point: the fact that we abuse substances (regardless of what those substances are) is a symptom of the disease, not the disease itself. All the crazy behaviors and thought processes that go along with the substance abuse, they are not the disease either--that's why bad behaviors and insanity continues even if someone is 'dry'. And this is why the 12-step program of recovery works, regardless of whatever your favored substance is: the 12-steps treat the disease itself, not its symptoms. It is a spiritual program, designed specifically to treat a spiritual malady. The purpose of the twelve steps, and what happens to those of us who work them, is to develop a spiritual way of life.

In some meetings, you'll hear them talk about the purpose of the steps being to find God and build a relationship with him. I don't like saying it like that, because even the G-word comes loaded with so many preconceptions. But the concept is true. We learn about a power greater than ourselves, how to get in touch with it, and to lead lives centered around it and not centered around ourselves. For some, that means 'God'. For others, it means the 'Great Spirit'. For still others it means the sky, or the universe itself. If I were to be specific about what my higher power is like, I'd have to call it that force which is everything and is in everything, that guides us and gives us the freedom to guide ourselves. Most of the time I cheat and say 'God' because it's a lot shorter, but I am always aware that my concept of God is very different from that of many Christians.

A lot of people get hung up on 'God'. A lot of people get hung up on the different substance abuses that manifest from this disease. As the saying goes, we listen for the similarities and not the differences. It's a good thing that Narcotics Anonymous exists, because many addicts wouldn't get the help they need if it didn't. Too many alcoholics can't see the similarities there. It's too bad that so many NA meetings urge people to go to AA for help with their alcohol issues, even though it says right in the opening readings that alcohol is a drug.

One of the reasons I have been so successful in working the program of Recovery is that I was able to recognize right from the beginning that the disease is the disease, regardless of what substance is abused. I was able to see that my behaviors weren't because I was a bad person, but because I am spiritually sick. And yes, I do use the present tense there. I am never cured. I will always be an addict. But if I stay sober, if I keep working the program, then I will continue to receive my daily reprieve.

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